1. GRADUATE SCHOOL CLOSURE DUE TO CLEMENT WEATHER
Tuesday, Apr 1, 12:00am-11:59pm, Graduate Life Center
The Graduate School will be closed due to a sudden outbreak of incredibly good weather. Since the sun will be shining and the air warm, students will not be expected to brave these unexpectedly good elements in order to go to class and labs or take care of administrative matters. It is anticipated that the good weather will not remain for long, so stay tuned to Virginia Tech’s clement weather postings for updates about delayed openings due to clement weather the rest of the week.
2. GLC CAFÉ: SMART EDITION
Thursday, Apr 3, 3:30pm, GLC Reading Room
The GLC Café: Smart Edition welcomes all super-smart graduate students to celebrate big brains for one afternoon. If you don’t feel smart enough to attend, eat a Newton cookie (which has been scientifically proven to increase human IQ) upon entry and you will feel your brain expand immediately. Free Newtons will be supplied to all who suffer from impostor syndrome.
3. INTERDISCIPLINARY SPEAKER SERIES PRESENTS: DAMN, YELLED THE SALMON WHEN IT HIT A CONCRETE WALL
Friday, Apr 31, 4:00-5:00pm, Room Q in the GLC
Ig Noble Prize winner Richard Stephens will share the details of his research on swearing as a response to pain. Participants will be inflicted with some pain to test the validity of the research findings, and the range of responses in various languages will be recorded. The speaker series allows graduate students and faculty from across the university to share their teaching and research passions in a casual atmosphere. Light refreshments will be served. Some may be excruciatingly hot.
4. APPLICATION FEE REFUNDS
Due to an unforeseen surplus in its operational budget, the Graduate School will be offering a one-time application fee refund for all currently enrolled graduate students. To be issued a cash refund of your application fee, you must present yourself in person to Ms. Sandy Hall in 100 Graduate Life Center between 8:00pm and 8:01pm on Tuesday, April 1, 2014. To be eligible for the refund, you will need to supply a notarized copy of your Virginia Tech admission letter and your HokiePassport with a short-hair photo of you.
5. NEW GRAD COURSE STARTING SUMMER 2014: GRAD 8004 PRODUCTIVE PROCRASTINATION
Associate Deans Hajj and Blieszner will team-teach a new special study course beginning Summer I, 2014 and continuing every term including Maymester and Wintersession. GRAD 8004, Very Special Study: Productive Procrastination, will cover basic and advanced techniques for extending opportunities to remain in a comfortable graduate student status for as long as possible. Extensive practice in applying procrastination techniques in multiple disciplines, with assignments tailored to students’ major and level of procrastination experience. Upon successful completion of this course, students shall be able to: (1) complete enrollment, drop, and withdraw forms with mistakes and significant delays; (2) manage emotions and guilt associated with watching TV instead of completing school work; (3) deliver convincingly the known/most common excuses to request multi-purpose extensions; (4) lead a team of procrastinators for the purposes of collecting, counting, and adding to uncompleted tasks; (5) take more and more days to write extensive letters several pages in length to request deadline extensions. Prerequisite: Graduate standing or sitting. Credits: Variable (1-19, >19 with special permission). May be repeated up to 10 times with different topics. Instructional Type: Hybrid (lectures, labs, on-line, on-TV, on-couch). Grading Options: A-F, P/F, NG, NR, EQ, X, WP, or WF.
6. STEGER TRAVEL INITIATIVE
The Division of Outreach and International Activities is pleased to announce the Steger Travel Initiative. This new initiative provides free trips to exotic international locales for conducting personal research into the culture, geography, anthropology, sociology and history of these locations. Destinations include Cancun, Cabo San Lucas, Aruba, Barbados, Capetown, Johannesburg, Cairo, Casa Blanca, London, Edinburgh, Dublin, Paris, Berlin, Zurich, Vienna, Budapest, Prague, Bombay, Katmandu, Bangkok, Singapore, Bali, Manila, Hong Kong, Beijing, and Tokyo. Send applications to email@example.com. All costs for travel, lodging, and food are included, plus a $500/day stipend. All graduate students are eligible and all applications will be accepted. 15 hours of course credit is available upon request. Bon voyage!
7. NEW CHILD-CARE ALTERNATIVE IN THE GLC
The Graduate School offers a new, low-cost child-care opportunity for female graduate students. After some renovations, Room C will be turned into a giant ball pit, where children can be dropped off daily (aged new born to 3, must be potty trained) from 7:00-7:05am. Students must pay $125 per child/month. Each additional child gets a 10% discount. Children can be retrieved from the ball pit between 8:00-8:05pm daily. This program supports graduate student parents who need some time away from their children to conduct their research.
Special thanks to the anonymous contributors for their creative and witty submissions, and a nod to two former graduate students who inspired the April Fool’s edition with their prank posting to the GLC-programs listserv in 2007. Please call them at 231-FOOLS if you have any questions or concerns about any of these announcements, or visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_Fools%27_Day for more information.